The holiday season is a joyful time for most people, but it can also be bittersweet for someone celebrating for the first time after the death of a loved one.

“The first Thanksgiving after my husband, Jack, died my primary emotion was a pervasive weariness and some dread,” says Kathleen Fraser, a bereavement group facilitator and author of Mourning and Milestones: Honoring Anniversaries, Birthdays and Special Occasions After a Loved One Dies.

“It can be a struggle for people because grief challenges us to both honor our loss and find a way to live in the present.”

Fraser knows all to well how difficult it can be to deal with grief after loosing not only one, but two husbands.

Grief’s ability to exhaust us and to shake our stability seems to be greatest on special occasions such as holidays, she says, but it’s worth remembering that you don’t have to keep all your traditions this year if it seems overwhelming. You can simplify or do something else instead.

“Grief is tiring,” Fraser says. “Not having a lot of extra work can make the burden a little easier.”

Fraser gives those dealing with grief some advice on how to cope and make it through all of the special occasions and family gatherings that pop up during the holidays. She also helps family and friends of those who are grieving figure out what to say and do when around someone who has lost a special person in their life.