Marriages under COVID stress, “Changing behaviours is difficult”

Most marriages are encountering new and added stress since the coronavirus pandemic hit here in Canada. 

Dr. Ross McCallum, who’s provided therapy for nearly ten years and now works with Dr. Ian Mogilevsky in Winnipeg, shares his professional insight into these new stressors.

“As a result of the stress, some people may be responding in ways that are straining their relationship. The other spouse can be enduring and patient, understanding that this circumstance is very difficult for the one who is stressed. At some point, which is different for everyone, the supportive spouse will likely reach their limit on how much they're able to handle. How each of them respond to the other's emotional reactions will impact whether there is, eventually, greater closeness or distance in their relationship.”

Situations in households are varied, as some couples are working, while others have lost their jobs. With this stress, Dr. Ross says anger often follows suit.

“The simple cause of fighting is that someone is angry. Anger always comes from two places: violated limits, and blocked goals. In the current climate, the violated limit for one person could be all of the stress that the person is under, whether it is because their schedule is empty (or full), they have been laid off, they have been forced to stay home, or they have been forced into the role of parent and teacher when they didn't want it. For others, their anger may be the blocked goals of not being able to see important people (such as parents, children, siblings, friends), or they like the idea of being parent and schoolteacher but feel like they're failing at it.”