"I hope to start re-assembling my shattered imaginary future," the husband of Rachel Held Evans recently wrote, once her funeral takes place this Saturday. 

Dan Evans posted on Held Evans' blog about funeral information, and also shared about how he has been coping since her passing on May 4, 2019.

"This month of May 2019 has been a time of mourning for me and my family. But I hope to start piecing things back together after Rachel’s funeral; after a final official goodbye."

Evan says that he hasn't thought much about the future, yet. "I haven’t yet planned much past this weekend. I’m not sure where life will take us from here. There have been press inquiries and tweets and posts and articles. But none of it changes the fact that Rachel is dead. This gaping raw wound in my life isn’t something I can fix. Sometimes things just hurt and there’s no avoiding it. Any attempt to do so, to move on too quickly, to outsmart it, to cover up the pain, will backfire. It will have to ease on its own with the passage of time."

However, Evans says, he is still clinging to hope. 

"The kind of stubborn hope that exists in the face of certain future tragedy. It’s a hope that’s aware of the past, the present, and the future possibilities. It’s a hope that’s fulfilled every time I remember I can still laugh at bad jokes, still be a friend to my friends, still love my children. It’s not a hope that requires life to turn out how I want. It’s not a hope that I have to wait for. It’s a hope that takes delight in all the things that are still good. It’s a hope I learned from Rachel."

Evans says that he wanted to honour his late wife's "authentic and inclusive" spirit. That's why he has decided to live stream the funeral service. 

The funeral service will be streamed Saturday, June 1, at 2 p.m. EDT, here.